I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
