why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
