Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
