babies were throwing up all over the place
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
