Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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