What did we do last night that was yellow?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
