i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
