Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
