I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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