someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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