i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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