I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
