i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
