I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
