I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
