My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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