T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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