his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
