Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
