Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
