Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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