Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
