my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
True strength comes from lack of pants
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
