There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
