every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
