I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
