He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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