He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
