new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
