You're my little dorito
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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