I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
