I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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