i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
