How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
