I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
