Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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