she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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