epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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