I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
