So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
