I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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