absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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