she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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