At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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