Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you didnt know i had herpes?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
