I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
