super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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