I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
