I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
