I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
