Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry about my life...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
