There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
