Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
