i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
